Christmas Scare-ols

Yesterday was a delightful Christmas for me, but it was over before I was ready to bid adieu. Fueled by wine and coconut cake, I was ready for a night on the town. Unfortunately, the Queen City was not cooperating. Ideally, I would’ve liked to have gone to a Christmas drag show. I envisioned a sexy Ms. Claus whose drag name was Yuletide Carol or something equally festive, who would serenade me with a bevy of Eartha Kitt and Peggy Lee classics, while I sipped a mulled cider and flirted with Donner—a slightly younger reindeer sporting a provocative leather halter and huge antlers. Sadly, it was not to be.

Instead, I lit some candles and played some Christmas music on my iPod. Unfortunately I started analyzing the lyrics of the carols. I’ve always thought “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” was vaguely threatening. It starts out as festive well-wishes, but then the caroling turns malevolent. Wishes turn to demands as the carolers' craving for figgy pudding takes over. And they “won’t go until we get some”. What the f*ck??? Who even has figgy pudding around these days? Wherein lies the fault—the poor homeowner who hasn’t properly prepared for the holiday, or the unreasonable carolers who are hopelessly out of touch with the times? I blame the carolers. A good terrorist will choose his battles more carefully, and cite demands that can actually be met.

I also marveled at “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”. What should be a heartbreaking tale of infidelity has become a children’s classic. Granted—the Santa Claus in the story is the child’s father in a costume, but the child doesn’t know that. He seems to be taking his mother’s indiscretions amazingly well. If my mom was an indiscriminate slattern with a granddaddy fetish I don’t think I’d be singing about it. “What a laugh it would’ve been, if daddy had only seen…” So much for divorce being hardest on the children. This kid is looking forward to the custody hearings—if he & Mom end up with Santa he gets free toys for the rest of his life.

I guess it’s best not to put too much thought into the holidays. As I said in the earlier posting, it’s more about the spirit of the season. I ate some great food, spent some time with people that mean a lot to me, and got some decent bling. And if I didn’t get to make out with a hot reindeer who was more hung than the Christmas stockings—I’ve still got New Year’s Eve…..

Seasons Eatings

Ah, the holidays! As clichéd and commercial as they can be, I have to admit I still love them. Friends put aside the distractions of day-to-day living and make getting together with each other a priority. Families, usually with the help of some spiked eggnog or hard cider, set aside petty differences to enjoy a day of feasting and familiarizing. Even the office Christmas parties can be fun, as you get a chance to see the person rather than the co-worker.

I love the silliness of it all as well. Whether it’s a ridiculous Christmas sweater, a cheesy Christmas song, or a poorly animated Christmas special on television—it’s just fun. Friday night I was treated to some college boys Christmas caroling and it brought back fond memories of me & my fraternity brothers doing the same thing. It’s nice to know in this cynical world there is still some honest enjoyment to be had in tradition (although I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder if I could convince one of the college boys to give me a lap-carol!).

As I’ve gotten older, my reasons for loving the holidays have changed, but the love is still there. When I was little, I used to look forward to the presents. Half the fun was trying to figure out what the gift was before unwrapping it. My brother would just tear into each gift hastily, but I liked to take my time and savor the anticipation. I would try to see how little of the wrapping paper I could remove and still figure out what the gift was, reading the small print on the box or looking for a tell-tale label (Matchbox, Sony, etc.).

Nowadays, instead of slowly unwrapping a present, I love peeling the foil off a freshly baked dish as I take it out of the oven. I still take my time and savor the experience—first the aroma, then gazing at the bubbly sides of the casserole dish, then finally taking the entire layer of foil off to admire my creation. And unlike a Christmas present, I get to eat it once I unwrap it!

The holiday season is the one time of year I give myself permission to indulge in whatever fattening, delicious foods come my way. I figure it’s my reward for watching my diet the other 11 months of the year.

So anyway, I hope everyone reading this has a great holiday—whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa. Take some time to savor the season, and if you have any leftovers—let me know. I’m suddenly very hungry.

A Pessimist on Marriage

I just heard from two friends of mine in Canada who are going to get married. The unusual thing about this couple is that they are two men. Canada is one of the few countries to recognize same-sex marriages (along with Belgium, Spain, the Netherlands, and South Africa*). My friends have been together for 11 years, and I think they will have a wonderful marriage.

Here in the U.S., the battle for gay marriage is still being fought. In principle I do think it should be an option, but after watching one guy I know go through two divorces—it’s awfully hard for me to go to bat for this issue. This particular man has been making a good living for more than ten years, but after two divorces he is essentially destitute and having to live with his parents while he regains his financial footing. I have another friend from dental school who recently divorced her husband, and she too got taken to the cleaners. It sucks that by the mere act of legally declaring your love for another human being, you are setting yourself up for financial ruin. And given some of the choices I’ve made in my love life, I have a feeling I would be one of the people to get financially devastated if I should have the right and the opportunity to marry.

I had lunch with two friends today and we were talking about the old ‘70’s television series “In Search Of…” It was hosted by Leonard Nimoy, and every episode centered around the search for some mysterious entity—Bigfoot, Amelia Earhardt, UFO’s. We were joking about what they could search for these days if the show was still airing. I suggested “Affordable Health Insurance”, but one of my friends suggested “A Monogamous Gay Man”. I had to admit I knew what he was talking about—I’ve known several gay men who seemed to have issues with commitment. I’m not sure I believe gay marriage will be any more likely to lead to divorce than a straight marriage, though. I just think it will be messier.

Marriage involves two individuals making a lot of promises to each other. Whether the couple is two men, two women, or a man and a woman—there will be occasions where those promises get broken, and someone gets pissed off. If forgiveness is not to be, then a divorce most likely will occur. I’ve seen several straight marriages disintegrate, and it’s never pretty. I’ve also seen several gay relationships disintegrate, and the only good thing about it is that neither partner had the legal opportunity to go after the other’s resources.

I definitely think two people who care about each other should have the right to visit each other in the hospital, make their loved one the beneficiary of a will, and such. But I also think if we get the legal right to marry, we should have foolproof prenuptial agreements in place. Whoever said “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” obviously hadn’t met a pissed off queen.

*source=Wikipedia