Date & Dash

Well, I dipped my pinky toe back into the dating pool, and the piranhas bit it off. Somehow I managed to have yet another catastrophically bad date, despite deliberate planning and intentional choices.

I met the guy on Manhunt, which admittedly is not the best website for dating, but I felt like my screening process was adequate. We traded several emails, and I liked the way he presented himself in writing. We met for coffee and that went well too. He was attractive, close to my age, and seemed to have career goals and responsibilities. So, when the subject came up of having a proper date, I was amenable.

Usually for a first date I like to choose a place that is very public. My reasoning is that I’m less likely to be murdered by a serial killer if I’m in a crowded place. I have learned from my time on this earth that I am NOT a great judge of character, so better to take steps on the front end to protect myself rather than leave it to chance. Unfortunately, it still backfired on me.

The place I chose for our first date was the performance theatre where I have just become a Board member. I figured it would provide the public setting to ensure I don’t get chainsaw-ed to death, and show my support for my new colleagues at the theatre.

He did show up for the rendezvous, and I introduced him to my friends at the theatre. My date seemed a little tense, but I figured it was just first-date jitters. Soon it was time to sit down for the performance.

I immediately knew something was up when I heard him breathing heavily beside me. My first thought was that maybe he had food poisoning, but he seemed way too fidgety for intestinal distress. His hands were clutching the armrests of his chair, not his stomach or (thank goodness) his crotch. Suddenly he stood straight up and hastily said to me, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this! I have to get out of here!!!” With that he bolted to the nearest exit.

Nothing makes a man feel hotter than seeing his date literally crawling over the other patrons in their seats to get away from him.

I chased him and managed to stop him briefly at the doors that entered into the lobby of the theatre. He hastily explained that it wasn’t me, but the play that had freaked him out. With that, he was gone.

Admittedly, the play was a challenging one. It was “The Rabbit Hole”, which had garnered Cynthia Nixon a Tony Award on Broadway for portraying a mother who has lost her son to an auto accident. All kinds of terrible thoughts were going through my head—had he lost a child? A car? A Tony Award? What could it be???

I was worried about my date, so after the show I resolved to call him. On a hunch, though, I decided to check Manhunt first. There he was, back online trying to salvage what was left of his Saturday night by finding another guy. So much for him being upset.

Since that night, he has called once and sent me an email. I decided not to return the call. I did write him back, and told him I felt like he had some more pressing matters to deal with other than starting a romantic relationship. I also apologized for taking him to a play that obviously upset him. Unfortunately, I can’t be the one to fix him.

If I were in my twenties, I would probably see this as my chance to ride in on my white horse and nurse him back to psychological health. Now that I’m in my forties, I know that it never works. Either you don’t fix them and you end up with a co-dependent cripple, or you do fix them and they dump you for someone younger and hotter who didn’t know them when they were damaged.

That’s the last I’ve heard from this gentleman. He has since taken his profile off Manhunt, so I don’t guess I’ll ever see him again. I do sincerely hope this guy gets the help that he needs. I also hope he doesn’t come looking for me with a chainsaw.

P.S. I'm not completely insensitive. If I really thought this guy had lost a child, I'd have never made light of this evening. The fact that he ditched me and went straight home to get back online makes me believe he had other reasons for leaving the theatre that night. Just wanted to be clear on that.