A Pessimist on Marriage

I just heard from two friends of mine in Canada who are going to get married. The unusual thing about this couple is that they are two men. Canada is one of the few countries to recognize same-sex marriages (along with Belgium, Spain, the Netherlands, and South Africa*). My friends have been together for 11 years, and I think they will have a wonderful marriage.

Here in the U.S., the battle for gay marriage is still being fought. In principle I do think it should be an option, but after watching one guy I know go through two divorces—it’s awfully hard for me to go to bat for this issue. This particular man has been making a good living for more than ten years, but after two divorces he is essentially destitute and having to live with his parents while he regains his financial footing. I have another friend from dental school who recently divorced her husband, and she too got taken to the cleaners. It sucks that by the mere act of legally declaring your love for another human being, you are setting yourself up for financial ruin. And given some of the choices I’ve made in my love life, I have a feeling I would be one of the people to get financially devastated if I should have the right and the opportunity to marry.

I had lunch with two friends today and we were talking about the old ‘70’s television series “In Search Of…” It was hosted by Leonard Nimoy, and every episode centered around the search for some mysterious entity—Bigfoot, Amelia Earhardt, UFO’s. We were joking about what they could search for these days if the show was still airing. I suggested “Affordable Health Insurance”, but one of my friends suggested “A Monogamous Gay Man”. I had to admit I knew what he was talking about—I’ve known several gay men who seemed to have issues with commitment. I’m not sure I believe gay marriage will be any more likely to lead to divorce than a straight marriage, though. I just think it will be messier.

Marriage involves two individuals making a lot of promises to each other. Whether the couple is two men, two women, or a man and a woman—there will be occasions where those promises get broken, and someone gets pissed off. If forgiveness is not to be, then a divorce most likely will occur. I’ve seen several straight marriages disintegrate, and it’s never pretty. I’ve also seen several gay relationships disintegrate, and the only good thing about it is that neither partner had the legal opportunity to go after the other’s resources.

I definitely think two people who care about each other should have the right to visit each other in the hospital, make their loved one the beneficiary of a will, and such. But I also think if we get the legal right to marry, we should have foolproof prenuptial agreements in place. Whoever said “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” obviously hadn’t met a pissed off queen.

*source=Wikipedia