Two friends of mine have just been asked to write a singles column for one of the Charlotte newspapers. She is providing the straight woman perspective, and he is providing the gay male perspective. Along with a gay woman and a straight man they will pen a weekly column on the dating scene. Hearing my two friends discuss potential topics has gotten me thinking about my own romantic life.
In my roughly 25 years since puberty, I really haven’t dated much. Comparing myself to my friends, both straight and gay, I don’t seem to have as strong of a sex drive. My brain is my primary sex organ, and usually it’s working against me. Physical contact for me, be it a massage or sexual contact or whatever, becomes this kind of “Eyes of Laura Mars” experience. I’m suddenly seeing myself through the other person’s eyes and imagining what they must be thinking--”Can’t he do something about those love handles?” “I’ve never seen such hairy toes”. “Nice teeth, though!”
As I was taking my pre-med classes I learned about other ways of reproducing found in nature. Personally I liked the idea of spores. Why did we need to evolve past that system? Gay men could reproduce by giving off Glitter Spores, which would eventually hatch and form boy-bands. Works for me!
The times I have ventured into the dating scene it usually hasn’t gone very well. I’m not sure if it was Venus or Eros, but I’ve definitely angered one of the dating gods. I’ve been stood up on Valentine’s Day and dishonorably discharged by military boyfriends who were afraid of being outed under the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policies. Match.com even returned my own profile to me as a potential suitor with the qualifier that we were only an 85% match!
Luckily I’m fabulously self-sufficient. I have a great group of friends who allow me to live vicariously through their dating lives. It works a little like A.A. Meetings for me. They tell me their dating woes, and it steels my resolve to stay single!
As I’m going through this career change, however, I’m thinking about a complete re-invention of myself. I do realize there must be some benefits to relationships, or else nobody would put themselves through the trouble of dating. So as I seek a more rewarding career, I am also seeking a more rewarding life. I hope dating will be a part of that. Therefore, I am officially putting myself back in the game. Let’s hope Eros and Venus are kinder to me this time around.
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