90 in 90

Desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s been 5 months since the holidays and I still haven’t lost the weight I put on between Thanksgiving and New Years. Usually I gain a bit during the holidays, but once they are over and the Christmas parties and huge meals and luscious leftovers are behind me, the weight falls off. I guess this is one more curse of getting older. This time around the holidays have stayed with me, and not in a good way.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to make adjustments for my ever-slowing metabolism. I remember when I turned 30 I had to give up my precious Chinese buffets. At 35 I had to hire a personal trainer*. Now it seems at 41 something else will have to happen. It occurs to me that I may be able to take a page from the Alcoholics Anonymous rulebook.

I have some friends in the program, and through osmosis I’ve become aware of some of the tenets of the organization. I’m not necessarily referring to the 12 steps, which I’m sure are available online, but to some of the things I’ve heard AA members are asked to do. Some of them seem to apply to weight loss as well as drinking.

1. Admit you have a problem. I certainly do. I’m gaining weight and can’t get into some of my clothes comfortably.
2. Admit you are powerless over alcohol. Apparently I’m powerless over food. I do love to eat, and don’t seem to have the power to metabolize it like I used to.
3. Attend 90 meetings in 90 days. This is the one which really intrigues me. Attending that many meetings in a row really demonstrates a commitment. Maybe if I commit to 90 gym visits in 90 days, it will be enough to jump start some weight loss and establish some healthy habits. I’m sure I can’t commit to exercising every day for the rest of my life, but if I get into the habit of going whenever possible, that has to be a good thing!

So that is what I’m going to try to do. I’m also hoping by publishing this, it will reinforce my commitment. Unfortunately I doubt I’ll see results before summer is well underway, which brings me to another step:

4. Make amends to people you have wronged. So, if you are unlucky enough to see me in a swimsuit this summer, you may be getting an apology letter in the fall.




*Part of me is wondering if the retained weight is a side effect of my un-retained personal trainer (had to let him go after December 2007), but since I don’t foresee him returning I will have to come up with another plan.

The Ball Pass

I just heard from a friend of mine who was returning from a vacation in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. He had a splendid time, but was a tad disappointed over one incident. He was out with his boyfriend and ran into a favorite celebrity—Matthew Rush, the renowned porn star. He got up the courage to talk to Mr. Rush, but his boyfriend became quite threatened and my friend was forced to leave before asking to take a picture with his idol. I don’t know Mr. Rush, but I was devastated for my friend. He’ll never get that opportunity again. And for his boyfriend to be that threatened over a simple photograph cannot be a good sign. A good partner should be able to tolerate a lot more than a photograph with a celebrity.

Personally, I believe every relationship should have Ball Passes. These would work like the Hall Passes we used to get in school. A Hall Pass gave you the opportunity to wander the halls during regularly scheduled class time. The Ball Pass would give you the opportunity to wander outside your monogamous relationship. It’s not a free pass to sleep around, however. As with the Hall Pass, it would only be issued under the most unusual of circumstances. Frankly, I think one Ball Pass per person per relationship is plenty. That way, if you happen to meet a celebrity and the chance arises to have sex with that celebrity—you can do so without damaging your primary relationship.

If the man I was dating had the chance to go to bed with Jake Gyllenhaal—I wouldn’t want to be the one to make him miss out on that opportunity. I’d want him to have it (and hopefully take pictures to show me later!). And if the situation were reversed, I’d want to be able to do the same without worrying about what my partner would think. Can you imagine how you would feel if you missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime because of your partner? And how would you feel if you & your partner broke up, and you had missed out on that opportunity? You could have had a great story to tell for the rest of your life, and now you passed it up for nothing! Why take a chance on building that kind of resentment?

I mentioned this idea to my friend, but I haven’t heard back from him yet. Part of me is wondering, though, if it’s not ideas like this that have kept me single for most of my adult life. Oh well. Better single than resentful.