Grave Concerns

I’m about two-thirds of the way into my 90-in-90 exercise plan (see 5-30-08 posting). I’m not gonna lie and say I’ve been to the gym EVERY day since I started, but what I have tried to do is make up any days I miss by doing two workouts—eg. Weights + Cardio. Trying to find something different to do every day has forced me to sample some different exercise regimens. I tried Bikram (hot) yoga and sweated my butt off. I also revisited Cardio Kickboxing, but still found my enjoyment of the class was very dependent on the instructor, which is why I quit going originally.

One thing I have enjoyed is jogging in the cemetery. A guy I met recently thought that was totally creepy, but I disagree. Southerners are quite good to their dead, and the cemetery where I run is no exception. It’s very lush and green and well-tended. There is a paved road that winds through the grounds, and never any traffic. I’ll take that over jogging in the city streets any day of the week. Plus, being around all those skeletons makes me want to stay skinny too.

I can’t help but read the headstones as I run around, and the competitive side of me finds myself pitting my possible age of death against the age they died:
52 years old—I think I can beat that
77 years old—That’s gonna be a bit tougher
96 years old—Now that’s just showing off….
If I get a vote, which clearly I won’t, I think 85 is a good time to move on. Hopefully you’ll have had plenty of years to enjoy, some mistakes from which to learn, and someone younger to whom you can pass on your wisdom. By the time you reach 85, I’m assuming, your health issues will most likely be overshadowing your happiness. I can’t imagine you’ll be missing out on too much fun if you kick it at 85. Not much left to do after that but lose your teeth and poo on yourself.

As I look at all the tombstones, I do wonder if there’s not a better way to dispose of our dead. Dead bodies take up a lot of space. Will we eventually run out of places to put them? I’ve seen some of the cemeteries in Europe where bodies are packed upon bodies like a posthumous orgy. No thanks. I think I want an eco-burial.

Basically what they do is freeze your body to -321 F and grind you into powder. Then you are dehydrated and filtered (coffee, anyone?) to rid the powder of any heavy metals, etc. In about two hours you become compost, which can be used to fertilize a garden or forest. You can have a little memorial garden planted in your name, or just be scattered in the woods—if you don’t want to call attention to yourself. Either way, your remains will be useful, and not just cluttering up the place. I like that idea.

It does make me sad that I may not end up in a beautiful Southern cemetery with hot young joggers passing by, but maybe I can be scattered along a trail in the woods where there are hikers or something to keep me company. I could go for that….but hopefully not until I’m 85.